


Death is a dangerous thing

by BisexualPheonix



Category: Sanvers - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/F, I'm Sorry, Love, Violence, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2019-07-05 19:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15870102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisexualPheonix/pseuds/BisexualPheonix
Summary: Without Maggie, there is no Alex. With Maggie almost gone? Well, I guess we'll see...





	1. Chapter 1

         The op went wrong, probably somewhere between the first bomb going off and the building collapsing. Maggie had been caught in the middle of it all, and was trapped inside with insurgents, her partner and another officer at her back. They were cornered quickly, and the officer beside her went down and didn’t get back up.

         Seconds later her partner took one to the arm and dropped his gun. And then Maggie was hit, a spray of bullets impacting her chest and sending her flying back into a wall. She collapsed, a pile on the floor, unmoving as the building shook around her, pieces of ceiling dropping and foundation crumbling.

         Minutes passed. Everything went silent. Maggie grunted as she moved to lean her back against the wall. She was barely able to move, her eyes unable to make out anything in the pitch black room that she was now trapped in by a giant piece of concrete. She touched the ground below her and felt the warmth of her blood forming a puddle. She sighed, letting her head fall back and closing her eyes.

         She prayed as she slipped a hand into her side pocket, pulling out her phone that was thankfully unharmed- discounting the cracks on the screen from her fall. It took less than a second for her to decide who to call. Kara was in Paris, she knew, and there was no way an ambulance would get to her in time. Her aunt was at work, and would know something was up as soon as she saw Maggie’s call, and Maggie couldn’t do that to her, couldn’t lie to her aunt who would see right through it.

         There was one person she had to call, though. A voice she had to hear. A person that she had to make sure would be okay. She could feel herself losing consciousness even as she dialed Alex’s number.

         It rang once before she picked up.

         “Hey Maggie,” Alex sighed into the phone, leaning back in her chair.

         “Hey babe, how was training today?” she asked, her voice already straining in her throat.

         “Pretty good. I missed it here but honestly I can’t wait to be back home,” Alex answered, referring to the fact that she was at the desert base hours away from their apartment.

         “You still coming back tonight?” Maggie asked, hoping she’d say no, hoping that Alex would be kept in the dark just a little longer because she knew that this would break her.

         “Yeah, I should be home by 8. So how’s your day going, the op go well?”

         “It got a little complicated. I won’t be home til late so don’t wait up for me okay?” she asked, she begged, praying her voice wasn’t shaking as much as she thought it was.

         “But I miss you,” Alex whined into the phone, pouting.

         “I miss you too babe, but I probably won’t make it home tonight,” she said, her voice sad, her voice broken. She had to end this conversation because she could feel her eyes drooping, and her breathing was getting shallow. And she wanted Alex to have a few more hours without knowing.

         “Okay fine, but I’m making dinner so you have something to eat when you get home.”

         “You, cooking? Alone?” Maggie joked, knowing that Alex’s cooking would probably kill her faster than her bullet wounds.

         “Maggie,” Alex smiled into the phone.

         “Alright, alright fine. I can’t wait babe. But I have to go, okay? I love you,” Maggie said.

         “I love you too Mags,” Alex laughed.

         Maggie swallowed, her mouth dry as she prepared to say something she knew she had to say, that Alex had to hear for her to remember after… after.

         “See you around Danvers,” she whispered, knowing Alex heard her before she hung up.

         One last thing she had to do. She sent off a message, four words, and barely hit send before the phone fell out of her hand and bounced on the ground. She could feel darkness closing in around her and she didn’t fight it, she got to hear her girls voice one last time and that was all she needed. She knew Alex would be alright. She closed her eyes and let out a breath, unafraid as she fell into blackness.

 

         Across the world Kara’s phone dinged, and a message popped up. Four words: _Take care of her._

 

* * *

 

         Alex woke up, bleary eyed and alone in a cold bed. She sighed. Maggie apparently wasn’t joking about having a lot to do. She rolled out of bed and grabbed Maggie’s sweatshirt. It smelled just like her. She walked out of their room and went to make coffee, just pouring it into her cup when she heard an incessant knock on her door.

         It was probably Maggie. They had only been living together for a month and Maggie had lost her key to the apartment four times already.

         Alex set the pot down and bounded to the door, Maggie’s name on her smiling lips as she swung it open. But on the other side wasn’t a harrowed looking Maggie, tired from a long night of work. On the other side was an officer, his hat in his hands, his eyes dull.

         Alex’s hand slipped from the handle, her heart beating so loud in her ears she couldn’t hear anything but the blood rushing. Her body was shaking, her heart crushing and shattering and burning and dying inside her.

         “No,” she whispered, before a word could leave his mouth, tears falling, cascading, down her cheeks. She fell to her knees in the doorway, no light in her eyes, no hope in her heart.


	2. Life Support

         Maggie was in a coma. The officer who had come to her door had said that she was in the hospital but Alex couldn’t hear him over the panic attack she was having. The love of her life was in a coma.

         It was a miracle, they said, that she had even made it out of the building. Even more so that she had made it to the hospital. She died twice in the ambulance, and then once on the table.

         And now here she was, three wounds to the torso, wires and tubes hooked up to her body- keeping her alive because her brain suffered severe trauma, and the chances of her waking up were less than 1%.

         Alex stumbled into the room, her head spinning. They hadn’t wanted to let her in at first because she wasn’t family, almost had her dragged out because she punched a nurse, and sighed and let her see Maggie when she said that the woman on the table was her fiance.

         Maggie looked cold, her usually red lips now an almost white-pink. When Alex slipped her hand in hers, Maggie’s fingers felt like ice.

         She didn’t know what to say, what to think. Because her reason for existing, the reason her heart was beating, was on life support.

         The pulse Alex felt in her hand was all wrong.

         “I made dinner last night,” she whispered, her words broken on the edges, her voice hallowed.

         “It was chicken linguine. Not nearly as good as yours but…” she swallowed, her voice thick with tears, “but I made it just like how you showed me. I didn’t even burn the chicken this time,” she said with a dull laugh, rubbing circles in Maggie’s hand with her thumb the way she liked.

         “Baby, you can’t go anywhere okay? You can’t leave me,” she implored, her voice cracking, her tears cascading.

         “I can’t live without you Mags. I can’t breathe without you. An- and we’re getting married in 113 days okay? In 113 days, so you-you have to wake up because you still haven’t told me if your wearing a tux or not. And we still haven’t picked a cake, or decided what our menu would be. And I know we were arguing,” she was rambling now, sobbing in between her words, “over me wanting kids, but God Maggie I would never choose them over you. I wouldn’t ever choose anything over you. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted Maggie, everything I’ve ever needed. You taught me to be myself. You’re the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason my heart beats, the reason that I know what love is. Because God I love you more than anyone’s ever loved anything, I love you so much it hurts, and if you die on me...” her voice caught in her throat, and she began again in a whisper, “and if you die on me I won’t have a reason to live anymore.”

         Maggie didn’t move, and the only sound was of her heart beating on the monitor, and the oxygen machine sighing in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No I did not kill off Maggie, that's a whole other level of evil


	3. A Moment of Silence

         J’onn had felt Alex’s mental anguish from France. He was tuned into all of his children to know if they were in danger, and when Alex’s heart broke from an ocean away, he felt it clear as day.

         He and Kara were back in National City before he even thought to read Alex’s mind, but he knew she was at the hospital, and he knew that she wasn’t injured, so of course he knew that Maggie was the one that was hurt.

         What he didn’t know was that it was this bad.

         He almost couldn’t stay in the hospital with how much anguish Alex was emitting, and he could see the darkness surrounding her as clear as he could see the light that almost always followed Kara.

         He and Kara sat in the waiting room after letting Alex know they were there, but she barely acknowledged their existence, not even glancing up at them when they entered the room. She wouldn’t let go of Maggie’s hand, not when the doctors came in to run tests, not to put a jacket over herself even though she was covered in goosebumps, and it had been over 12 hours and she hadn’t moved to use the restroom.

         When it hit hour 20, the next morning, Kara suggested that she eat and Alex gave her a look that made the girl of steel wilt in her boots. She backed out of the room in silence, dropping the food in the trash and taking her seat next to J’onn.

         Alex was silent for two days, not grunting, not moving from her chair, and not looking up from Maggie once. She passed out at one point, but was barely asleep for twenty minutes before her eyes opened and she was back to holding Maggie’s hand. At some point she had begun to run tests herself, emotionless as she went through each and every one.

         It was day three that everything went to shit.

         Alex heard a knock on the door behind her. She didn’t respond, she never did, and after the first day the doctors only knocked to let her know they were coming in.

         The door swung open, and she heard a group of footsteps behind her.

         “Ms.Danvers…” the doctor began, and she already knew where the conversation was going, because they had had this conversation 3 days ago and she said no, never. And she had thought she had made herself clear from the way he had avoided her ever since.

         “No. We are not taking her off of life support. No,” she said, her jaw set, her decision made, her voice daring him to say otherwise.

         “That isn’t for you to decide, Alex.”

         Alex’s blood ran cold. That voice, she would never forget that voice. The last time she heard it was when she and Maggie had run into him in the city, over a month ago.

         Alex stood, turning slowly, fire and rage burning in her veins.

         “Excuse you? Who in the hell do you think you are?” she asked, her voice like venom. She looked around now, could see the group of people huddled at the door, a few doctors, Maggie’s father, security, an intern...

         “I’m her closest relation,” Maggie’s father said matter of factly, scorning Alex with his very eyes. “And you, are nothing.”

         The intern flinched.

         His eyes never wavered from Alex’s as he said, “turn it off.”

         A doctor took a step towards the machine. Alex stepped to the side.

         “You take another step, and I will break you.”

         Maggie’s dad laughed, cold and callous.

         “See doc, I told you we would need security. Get her away from my daughter,” he sneered, stepping to the side as they stepped in.

         “She’s not your daughter, and if you come anywhere near me…” she trailed off as two security officers walked towards her.

         The larger of the two men grabbed her on the shoulder and she snapped, taking his wrist and bending it until she heard a crack before punching him in the throat. He stumbled back and the other man stepped forward, but she kicked his knee before grabbing his arm and bending it until she heard it pop from it’s socket. He fell to the ground groaning. The first man tried to recover, throwing a left hook that she easily dodged as she swept his feet out from under him. She kicked him in the head. He stopped moving, but he was still breathing.

         Alex’s breathing was ragged now, and she was squared in fighting position.

         “Next person to enter this room doesn’t get off so easy,” she said, staring them down. The other two security guards backed up. But Maggie’s father wouldn’t give up.

         “Next person? You just assaulted two people, you’re going to prison. And that machine is being turned off. She will die. One less abomination in this world,” he scorned, his voice disgusted, his demeanor proud.

         “If you come in this room,” Alex growled, more steel in her voice than Supergirl could ever wish to have, “I will kill you. I will kill all of you.” There was no waver in her voice, no doubt, no room for misinterpretation. She would kill each and every one of them with her bare hands, rip them apart piece by peace, put them in agony before ending their miserable lives, and then resume sitting next to Maggie until she woke up, without an ounce of remorse.

         “You are an abomination, all of you,” Mr.Sawyer yelled, spit flying from his mouth. “A sin, smudges on the name of God. Mistakes. If there was one thing I could change, it would be Maggie being born.”

         And then Alex felt something hit her stomach and suddenly she was hit with 50,000 volts. She wavered, but stood her ground, and a second prong hit her in her chest and the guards holding the taser electrofied her again, and again, and again, until she was on the ground, kneeling, gasping.

         Her vision was foggy, and she saw Mr. Sawyer enter the room. She tried to stand, but there were hands on her shoulders, a steel cuff brushing against her right hand. He walked up to Maggie’s machine, never looking at her, opened the panel, and flipped the switch. Everyone froze. Maggie’s machine was off.

         Alex felt her body go numb as Maggie’s heartbeat stopped on the monitor, and then there was nothing but silence.

* * *

 

 

         A second passed.

         Everyone was still frozen with the realization of what had just happened.

         Another second. Alex couldn’t feel anything at first, her thoughts were muddled together in the worst of ways. She was too gone to even begin to try and separate them.

         It was like her soul had been ripped from her body, like her heart had been shredded. It hurt so much she couldn’t even cry. She forgot how to breathe.

         Numbness.

         She was staring at Maggie’s body across from her, and all she felt was guilt- she hadn’t protected her. All she was supposed to do was protect her and she had failed at that.

_          See you around Danvers. _

         Maggie’s voice now only lived in her mind.

_          Life is short, and we should be who we are. _

         But she was nothing, life was nothing, without Maggie. She had loved before Maggie, but Maggie was the reason she understood what love was. Maggie made her love harder, made her love stronger. Maggie was the reason she woke up every morning, was what kept her going even when she was suffocated by her own depression, crippled by her own anxiety, because she understood. Maggie always understood. And Maggie was the only person that Alex had ever  shown all of herself too.

         She had never shown Kara, had never dared to show her mother.

         Maggie.

_          Maggie _ .

         Another second passed, and Alex thought of all the things they would never get to do together. No more waking up in her embrace, a strong hand on her stomach as Maggie completely surrounded her. Protected her. Maggie was the only person that ever protected her.

         There would be no more waking her up with soft kisses and sweet words before they made love as the warm glow of the sunrise bathed their heavenly bodies with gorgeous rays.

         No more hastily written poetry snuck in Alex’s combat gear when Maggie knew she was going on a mission. No more late night phone calls when Maggie was at the precinct all night, or when Alex was stuck in the lab, and they were desperate to hear each other's voice.

         She would never get to hear the deep timber of Maggie's voice first thing in the morning. Never make her laugh just for the selfish reason of seeing her dimples and her crooked smile. Never kiss her until they’re breathless, and then kiss some more.

         She would never feel their bodies together, desperate for one another, desperate for each gasp and moan and whimper as they came together.

         They would never get a dog. She would never, not without Maggie to argue with over the name.

         She would never hear Maggie say  _ I love you, Alex Danvers, _ or,  _ Ally _ , or  _ te amo, mi amor _ because when Maggie really meant something she would always say it in Spanish.

         Alex would never say I love you again. Because love meant nothing to her without Maggie.

         Movement around her. She was still on her knees, staring into nothingness, feeling nothing. But then there was something.

         Then there was Rage.

         She lifted her head, her face blank, stoic, a singular thought on her mind. No one in this room would live, if Maggie had to die.

         She head butted the guard behind her, heard his nose break, and she stood, swinging a fist around and knocking him out with a punch enforced by the cuff she has wrapped her fingers inside of. She ripped the taser prongs from her flesh, unfeeling but for the anger crashing through her veins.

         The other officer grabbed her around the shoulders, and she elbowed him in the ribs, pulling his arm down over her shoulder, dislocating his elbow. She turned as he screamed, kneeing him in the groin before slamming her elbow into his face and kicking him in the stomach. He crashed on the ground, and she kicked him in the ribs until she heard them crack.

         The doctor backed out of the room and Mr. Sawyer tried to follow him, but Alex grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him back. He was her main concern.

         He tried to run but she had him cornered, punching him in the gut so he couldn’t pass. He tried again to make it past her, pushing a cart out of the way, but she grabbed his hair and yanked his head back, pulling him down in one swift motion.

         He fell, his head hitting a table on his way down and she was on top of him, punching with every bit of power she had, reveling in the cracking of his bones, the breaking of his teeth in his mouth, the blood on her hands. She felt someone try to pull her off and she elbowed him, the intern, before pushing him back. He stumbled and fell.

         She turned back to Sawyer, relishing the fear of God shining in his eyes. He trembled below her as her hands wrapped around his throat. She could feel his pulse racing in her hands.

         “Please, don’t- please!!!” he begged, he cried out.

         “You are weak. You are a sin of God, an abomination. A mistake,” she whispered, her voice loathing and cold even as he struggled weakly beneath her, his hands clawing at hers.

         “You’re right, I am going to hell. Because I am going to kill you, and I get to live the rest of my life knowing that you deserved this,” her hands gripped his neck tighter. He was gasping now.

         “I wish we had more time, more time so I could do to you what you did to her. So that I could have the pleasure of breaking you,” she said, looking down at his flailing body. There were tears falling from his eyes and his fighting was growing weaker still.

         “I guess that will be Satan's honor huh?” she laughed

         “No...” he pleaded, he begged, his voice weak, his hope broken, “please no-”

         “Please?” she laughed, cold and removed, broken and unfeeling, evil.

         “Please? What about all of those times Maggie said please? All those times she begged you not to hurt her? And you want mercy?!?!?” she asked, she yelled, she screamed.

         Alex pulled his head up and slammed it into the ground. She leaned into his face, looking him in his fear filled eyes. She lowered her voice to below a whisper, so quiet only he could hear.

         “You don’t get mercy. You get to burn in hell right along side me. You’re just gonna get there sooner.”

         And he knew, he knew she wasn’t going to let go. She was going to kill him, she was killing him, and she would not regret it in the slightest. If anything she would take joy in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the love of God I did not kill her off just wait a minute...
> 
> And I can't be the only one who thinks that if Maggie died Alex would turn into a homicidal maniac right?


	4. I died with her...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was a close call, but for whom?

         Kara had tuned out her hearing as soon as she made residence in the hospital, choosing to focus on the sound of J’onn’s breathing rather than the pain surrounding her. She kept hearing something though, and kept trying to tune it out too, until she heard the unmistakable sound of Alex yelling. She tuned in immediately, and her blood went cold as she heard what Alex was saying to Mr.Sawyer, and was at the door to her room in seconds with J’onn right behind her.

         She surveyed the damage, the bodies on the floor, the intern hiding under a table, the doctor standing in the hall in shock. The machine that had been keeping Maggie alive… turned off.

         “Alex,” she whispered, afraid when her sister looked up at her because she had never seen her like this.

         She had seen Alex angry, and she had seen Alex rage, but she had never seen this… this nothingness. Her eyes were unfocused, broken and cold, yet burning with hatred. She didn’t recognize Kara at first, her eyes only focusing after her name was called a few times.

         “Kara,” she said, her voice neutral- as if she weren’t currently choking a man to death.

         “Alex…” Kara began. But Alex cut her off.

         “You know, it takes much longer to choke a person to death than they portray on tv,” Alex stated, her head tilting like it usually did whenever she began to spout facts. A habit that she had picked up from Maggie that was bone-chilling to see now.

         “They make it seem like it takes only a few seconds, but it takes at least a minute and a half properly if you don’t snap their neck…” she breathed. Her eyes were low, calm, unfocused again.

         “Al-”

         “But it can take over an hour if you know how. How to keep them conscious enough to feel the pain, to feel their lungs burn. How to keep the pressure just right so that there’s so many possible endings. I wonder what this one will be,” she asked aloud, eyes returning to the man in her hands.

         “I wonder, if his heart will give out before his lungs. Or, maybe he’ll suffocate from the inside,” she whispered, her mind working the possibilities. “I feel like it’ll be his heart. He’s weak.”

         “Alex, don’t,” Kara asked, holding out a hand, stepping forward.

         “Don’t Kara. He deserves this…” Alex warned, glancing down at Mr. Sawyer whose eyes were barely open, whose gasps were so much shorter now, who was so close to being on the other side.

         “Alex, please don’t do this,” Kara pleaded. “This isn’t you.”

         Alex looked back up at her, confused.

         “Of course this isn’t me, Kara. I died with her,” she said, tilting her head towards Maggie. “I died when he killed her. So if you want to be helpful for once, you can grab my pliers.”

         And Kara didn’t see her sister in the unfeeling eyes staring back at her. It was a shell of a human being, a shell of the person her sister had been. This thing staring back at her wasn’t capable of love, had no conscious, felt no regret. And it was going to kill Mr. Sawyer out of sense of duty, because she was right, Alex was gone.

         But she was wrong because-

         “She’s not dead Alex.”

         Alex froze. Her eyes filled with emotion, but not warm ones. They grew cold with hate, with disappointment.

         “Don’t lie to me Kara,” she growled, she warned, and Kara was afraid for once because this wasn’t Alex anymore, this wasn’t her sister who would step in front of bullets for her. She was broken, she was broken and she didn’t care anymore about anything except ending the life in her hands.

         “Alex, I’m not lying. I can hear her heartbeat. I swear, I would never lie to you…” she trailed off.

         Alex’s hands loosened, and she looked over at Maggie’s body. At Maggie’s machines that were all turned off, no longer pumping her blood or giving her oxygen. She stared long and hard, and then she saw Maggie’s chest move.

         Alex stood slowly and walked over to Maggie in a trance. She placed a gentle hand on her chest, feeling it move, feeling her perfect heartbeat weak beneath her fingertips.

         A sigh of relief, a sigh of something, and Alex felt the rage tamper down a little. It was still there, beneath the surface, and she could feel it in her veins, pumping with every beat of her heart. But she was too focused on Maggie, too busy checking her vitals, making sure that she was okay, making sure that her body wasn’t going to start failing because of the sudden shock to her body. That was the only reason why she didn’t stop J’onn as he slowly dragged Oscar’s barely conscious form out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a part of a super long chapter but I split it up because it seemed to be a bit too much. I hope y'all enjoy so far


	5. The Rage Is Always There

         Hours later, tens of tests later, and Maggie was still asleep, probably wouldn’t wake up for at least another week- if she ever woke up. She was more likely to wake up now, Alex knew, as she was no longer dependent on a breathing tube.

         But if her body couldn’t repair itself fast enough, well, Alex knew there was nothing that anyone would be able to do- not that she wouldn’t die trying.

         They still couldn’t move her, wouldn’t until her heart got stronger. By the time Alex finished all of the tests it was almost 1 in the morning. She laid down the final chart, standing over Maggie’s body, running her hand through her hair before leaning over to place a kiss on her forehead.

         “I love you, Maggie,” she whispered, turning to leave the room. There was something she needed to do.

 

         2 floors up and she was walking down an empty hall, the lights dimmed to allow the patients in their rooms to sleep. It was there that a severely injured Oscar was taken to be treated.

         She turned a bend, heading left, counting down the numbers to the rooms as she got closer to her destination. And in front of Oscars room, a haggard figure sat in a chair, tear filled blue eyes looking up at an unresponsive Alex.

         “Alex,” she said, staring at her sister across from her. “Please don’t do this. Please…” she begged, her voice breaking when Alex didn’t respond, when Alex ignored her, stepping forward, reaching out for the handle of the door.

         “Maggie wouldn’t forgive you, Alex. You know Maggie wouldn’t forgive you,” Kara said, and Alex’s hand froze on the handle of the door.

         And finally, finally, she spoke.

         “Do you think I don’t know that Kara?” Alex said, her voice so low that Kara could barely hear her.

         And then she was turning the handle on the door, stepping in, closing it behind her.

 

         It was dark in Oscars room, the only light that of the moon shining through the window. Alex could hear his labored breathing, could see his chest moving beneath the sheet as he laid flat on his bed. She picked up his chart from his bedside, reading through each of his injuries, noting that he would be dependent on someone helping him for a very long time.

         His shoulder would never work the same though. A completely torn rotator cuff would do that to you.

 

         Alex put his chart back, stepped to beside his bed, looked down at him with some level of disgust. She reached out with her right hand, pinching his nose shut. He woke with a start, his eyes flying around the room until they finally landed on Alex.

         His heartbeat went through the roof, the beeping so insistent that Alex reached over and ripped the moniter’s cord from the wall. Fearful brown eyes looked up at her in silence.

 

         Alex walked to the window, staring out to the city moving below.

         Oscar glanced at the door.

         “You can try to run if you want, but you won’t make it more that three steps on that leg before you collapse,” Alex said, never turning her head.

         She could almost feel his fear from where she stood. She took pride in it, reveled in it.

 

         “I was going to kill you,” she began, not knowing where her words were going, but knowing exactly where this would end.

         “I thought Maggie was dead, and I was going to kill you. She is the only reason you are alive right now. To be honest when I was walking here I was still debating as to whether or not you’d be breathing the next time you leave this room,” Alex continued, her voice flat, her voice emotionless. She heard his heavy breaths pick up behind her as he began to panic.

         The beast inside her smiled. She however, did not.

         “Maggie is the only reason you are alive,” she repeated, and then she turned, walking to his bedside, looking down into his terrified eyes. He knew then that if Maggie died, he would follow soon after. He knew then that if Maggie died, his own death would be 100 times more painful. He could could read it clear as day on Alex’s face.

         “If I ever see you again, nothing will stop me from killing you. Not even Maggie.”

 

         And then Alex was leaving, walking for the door, closing it behind her, the beast inside her raging because oh, how badly she had wanted to kill him.

 

         Kara was still standing in the hall, now walking towards her, relief on her face, and something close to a smile, walking towards her sister with open arms

         “I’m so proud of you Al-”

         She was cut off by the look on Alex’s face, one that before she would have never been on the receiving end of, one that stopped her mid-step and made her arms fall to her sides, one that almost made her take a step back. Before that look was reserved for those who Alex planned to rip apart piece by piece, only for those who threatened her family. But now, well now no one was safe from Alex. Not even Kara.

         Alex looked away, looked down the hall, her rage still simmering near the surface, so close to boiling over.

         “If you ever use Maggie to sway me like that again…” Alex whispered, too angry to yell, too angry to growl, leaving the threat hanging in the air because she knew that it in itself was more than enough for Kara to understand, before she turned, before she walked smooth as darkness down the hall, leaving the girl of steel in her wake.

         Kara may be bulletproof, but Alex could bend steel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have a comment please share because I love when you guys comment on my stuff, it makes me want to keep writing and tells me what you want to see. Not to mention I just love reading them so much :)


	6. Death is Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex will do anything for Maggie.

         Alex had almost died. Maggie had been in the med bay for over two weeks, and there was an attack outside of the city while supergirl and J’onn were already trying to detain another alien, so she went, and she fought, and she had almost died.

But that was not what sent her crumbling.

         She took a shower after the op, her entire body covered in the blood and slime of one of the aliens that refused to surrender, and she spent almost an hour scrubbing it off her skin and out of her hair.

         After, so soon after, she dragged her aching body to her locker to retrieve her glasses, to grab her phone, when she noted a small piece of paper that had clearly fallen to the bottom. It was folded into a tiny, perfect square, exactly 1 inch by 1 inch, because Maggie knew how much stuff like that secretly made Alex smile.

         Alex unfolded it slowly, her hands shaking as she began to read the perfectly spaced cursive on the page.

 

_Alex,_

_Again as you leave I want you to stay._

_I always want you to stay,_

_Because you are my home,_

_My love._

_But I know that you must go,_

_So I watch you leave with both sadness and pride in my heart._

 

_I think about our love,_

_And there is no love like ours,_

_Something that should be written in stars_

_To be read for all eternity._

 

_But for eternity, it’s what I shall spend with you._

_My future wife._

_My heart._

_I’m waiting for you to come home._

_-Maggie_

 

         Alex felt each word hit her like a shockwave, and tears welled in her eyes. She folded up the letter, quickly walking to Maggie’s room. She paused in the doorway, the door closing quietly behind her, and she watched as Maggie’s chest rose and fell, it’s rhythm never slowing, never breaking.

         “Maggie-” she said, her voice breaking, her legs moving her to Maggie’s side.

         “I almost died Maggie. I did, I threw myself in front of Jade and I almost died,” she said, her left hand holding Maggie’s, her right running through Maggie’s hair.

         “And all I could think about was that I might never get to hear your voice again. I don’t want to live if I can’t hear your voice. If I can’t see your eyes,” and then hot tears were streaming down her face.

 

         “I don’t want to live without my home Maggie. There is no home for me without you. You gotta wake up Mags, because I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you. Please wake up, please Mag’s,” and Alex was sobbing so hard that she couldn’t hear, there were so many tears in her eyes that she couldn’t see, and then she was pulling away from Maggie because she couldn’t do this- there was no strength in her anymore. She couldn’t do this.

         She stood on shaking legs, because she had to go, she couldn’t live without Maggie anymore. She leaned over, placing a soft kiss on Maggie’s forehead, and turned away.

\-----

         Alex headed to the alien bar, choosing to walk rather than ride her bike. It was there that she had M’gann point her to an alien that she had learned about barely a year ago- the Stragus. It was a mind-reading alien known to be one with all things living, and on their home planet they grew plants and used their life forces to heal. But when someone was on the brink of death, the only life force strong enough to bring them back was someone else, a method that they rarely used without the consent of both parties.

         He was in the back of the bar, a drink from his home planet in his hands. He looked similar to a human, but his skin was tinted light red, and his hair was a stark white. He looked up at Alex with silver eyes as she approached the table, flicking through her thoughts, and nodding, before she even got out a word.

         He would do it.

 

_It is rare,_ he thought to her, _to see a love like yours_.

 

         And that is how they ended up in the DEO med bay less than 30 minutes later, the Stragus holding Alex and Maggie’s hands, Alex holding Maggie’s left hand with her right, and J’onn bursting in, Kara on his coattails, because his mental connection to Alex was suddenly cut off.

         He gasped when he saw what was going on, could see, could feel, the life draining from Alex to Maggie.

         “Stop!” he yelled, stepping forward, ready to rip them apart, hands out.

 

         “No,” the Stragus said, his voice purring like a machine. “If you pull them apart now they will both die. She made her decision.”

         Kara pulled J’onn back, could see the agony in his features and could feel it in her body. Alex was giving her life up for Maggie’s, and there was nothing they could do to stop it.

 

         Minutes went by but if felt like forever, and they could see the color drain out of Alex as her life force drained from her body. Kara was crying, could feel her own chest caving in as the light was pulled from Alex.

         Finally, finally, the Stragus pulled away from them both, and Alex swayed on weak legs, forcing her eyes to open. She walked towards Maggie, and everyone in the room could see the effort it took, could hear how she struggled for breath.

         A shaking hand slid onto Maggie’s chest, over her heart , and Alex looked up at Kara and J’onn with hopeful and broken eyes.

         “I had to,” she said, she almost wheezed, her voice even weak now. But there was strength in her gaze, and both J’onn and Kara understood then why she had done what she had.

  


         Alex didn’t see Maggie’s hand twitch in response to her touch. She didn’t see her eyes flutter open and blink before trying and failing to focus. But she did hear.

         “ ‘Lex?” a soft voice groaned out, weak and tired. Alex froze.

 

         “Alex?” she repeated, opening her hand but unable to reach out any further, blurry eyes searching, finding, and Alex turning, Alex stepping forward, slowly reaching her hand down, sliding it into Maggies and lightly gripping it with her own.

         “Maggie…” she whispered, her voice haggard and raw. She reached out her other hand, pushing a strand of hair behind Maggie’s ear. Maggie leaned into her touch, sighing as Alex ran a thumb across her cheek.

         “Maggie,” she repeated, seemingly unable to say anything else.

         But then… “My Maggie,” she said, she begged. Maggie smiled weakly, her grip tightening in Alex’s hand. “Your Maggie,” she nodded, somehow knowing that that was what Alex needed to hear more than anything. And Alex finally relaxed, finally went from looking like she might attack, and like she might run.

         “I thought… Maggie, I thought you weren’t-” Alex’s voice broke, and her eyes fell.

         Maggie tried to grip Alex’s hand harder in hers, but it took all the effort she had, her hand shaking even as she tried to stress her words.

         “I’m not going anywhere, I’m not leaving you okay?”

         Alex nodded, unable to speak, barely able to breathe from relief as she felt the fractured pieces of her heart begin to slide back into place, as the numbness began to slip away, as she learned how to feel again.

 

         “That is amazing,” the Stragus whispered, his eyes wide as he watched the scene before him unfold.

         “What?” Kara asked quietly, her eyes watching Alex and Maggie’s every move.

         “Alex should be dead,” J’onn said, even as he felt Alex’s life force begin to stitch itself back together.

         The Stragus nodded.

         “At the very least she should be comatose. The amount of energy needed to bring that woman back, it should have killed her. But it didn’t. Can you see it?” he asked, turning to J’onn because he knew the power of Green Martians.

         J’onn nodded.

         “Their souls are intertwined. They are healing one another. I have, I have never seen anything like it,” J’onn said, shaking his head. Their bond was stronger than that of even the green martians.

         “Why now, why not before?” Kara asked, finally relaxing, her shoulders finally falling, now that she knew that her sister was no longer in danger.

         “Maggie was on the brink of death,” he said, still staring at them in awe. “Alex’s soul was broken because she was too far gone to save. But now that she is no longer on the brink, they are healing each other.”

         “We heard stories of bonds like that when I was a boy,” J’onn said, tears in his eyes. “Two souls made for one another, strongest together, nothing apart. I believed it to be a fairytale but this…”

         “This is arykaylai,” the Stragus nodded.

         Kara’s head tilted in questions.

         “They are made from the same star, created for each other by one being,” J’onn said. “They are real soulmates.”

  


\------

         After many tests on the both of them and one wide eyed request from Maggie, Alex slipped into the med-bay bed with her, wrapping her arms around Maggie’s much smaller frame as she was lulled to sleep by pain meds.

         But Alex, Alex couldn’t focus on much past the woman in her arms and what she had almost done. She hadn’t given up hope, but she had made the decision that if one of them had to go- she would rather it be her.

         She was ready to serve herself up as a sacrifice without hesitation.

         But that was not what scared her.

 

         After she let for of the Stragus’ hand, after Maggie had woken up, Alex instantly began to feel the weakness fade from her body. She could almost feel herself being stitched up from the inside, and it was like she had slipped into a warm bath when she finally had Maggie in her arms.

 

         But something was missing. She could feel it, an empty space in her chest. She didn't know what it was, but she could feel the cold spot where it used to be, and she didn’t know if she would ever get it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really bad chapter but I'm working on 3 more fics and going to college full time rn so go easy on me guys. :)


	7. My place in your arms

         Maggie was moved to the DEO after she was determined to be stable, and after a quick shower Alex rarely left Maggie’s side. Maggie was too tired to notice, she had after all woken up from a coma that every doctor had said there was no chance she would ever wake up from. She slept for almost all of the first week and most of the second, fading in and out as Alex held her hand and watched her vitals.  
         She got better over time, but the better she got physically the more she fell apart mentally. She could barely eat, but by the end of the third week she was having nightmares almost every night.  
         Barely comatose, she heard her father in the room, had found out accidentally from an intern (that Alex almost killed when she found out) that he had tried to kill her. And now that’s all she could see every time she closed her eyes.  
         There were so many times when she was younger that she had truly believed her father was going to kill her, even before he had found out she was gay. Times when he got just a little too drunk and hit her a little too hard. And now those memories played in her mind like a reel, never ending.

         When she remained stable for long enough that by week 4 they allowed her to go home, and she was carried into the apartment by Alex.  
         Alex shut the door behind her softly with a foot, Maggie’s arms gripping around her, her head snuggled in Alex’s neck. Alex walked through their apartment, setting Maggie down on the edge of their bed. She knelt at Maggie’s feet, slipping off her socks and shoes, giving each knee a kiss before looking up at her.  
         Maggie looked back down at her with fearful eyes, and so she reached up with a hand and caressed Maggie’s cheek.  
         “Baby, what do you need? Whatever it is Maggie…” she whispered. Maggie leaned into her hand.  
         “I just… I’m so tired,” she whimpered, her voice small, wide eyes finally moving up to meet Alexs.  
         “Okay baby,” Alex said, moving to stand. Maggie tensed as Alex moved away to grab her some clothes. Alex was back seconds later with a change of underwear and Maggie’s favorite sweatshirt, Alex’s grey college sweatshirt that Maggie always stole after she wore it because she said it smelled like her. Alex knew it made her feel safe.  
         She helped Maggie stand, her hands gentle on her waist. Maggie slipped off her sweatpants kicking them to the side, and changed her underwear without thought, but then she paused. Her eyes wouldn’t meet Alex’s as she played with the hem of her shirt. Alex reached out with gentle hands, grabbing the bottom of her shirt and sliding it up slowly. Maggie turned her head to the side, looking away, mind away, because now her torso was scarred, now her chest was scarred from where they had to remove the bullets from her body.  
         Alex knew how uncomfortable Maggie was, how insecure the wounds made her, and so she paused, dropping the sweatshirt from her hand, kissing each wound with soft lips and sweet words, running gentle fingers over each before holding Maggie’s face just so, waiting for minutes that felt like hours until Maggie’s tear filled eyes finally met hers.  
         "You are so beautiful Mags,” Alex whispered, her eyes sincere, her hands strong. She brushed her lips onto Maggies and they sighed into one another, Maggie relaxing minutely as they just kissed. Not hard, not fast, but slow and soft, filled with words they were both too wounded to say.  
         Alex pulled away slowly, eyes studying Maggie’s face. Maggie’s eyes were closed, but her face was decorated with dark circles and gaunt cheeks. Her skin was still a beautiful golden brown but it wasn’t glowing, and the hands holding Alex’s waist weren’t as strong as before, weren’t as sure as before.  
Alex wanted to cry, because despite all of this her girl was still painfully beautiful, heartbreakingly beautiful, and she didn’t see it. Alex brushed their lips together once more, before reaching down to grab the sweatshirt because Maggie was shivering in her arms.  
         Maggie opened her eyes after the shirt was on, wrapping her arms around herself and looking up at Alex with sad doe-eyes.  
         “Are- are you gonna stay?” she asked, voice soft and unsure as her hands had just been.  
         “I’m not going anywhere baby,” Alex promised, hands soft on Maggie’s arms. Maggie nodded and let Alex lead her to bed.  
         Alex moved quickly, changing into a t-shirt and pants before walking to bed, where Maggie was curled up on her side, waiting. Alex slid in beside her and Maggie slid into her arms, finally sighing, finally relaxing. Her head rested on Alex’s chest, right arm curled between them and left arm thrown across her torso, their legs tied together.  
         Alex rubbed circle’s into Maggie’s back coaxing her to fall asleep. She however could not sleep, too wired, too afraid that the animal that had come out when she thought Maggie died would come back.  
         And so she lay awake for hours, strong arms holding Maggie together, keeping her asleep, rubbing her back when she began to struggle.  
         Maggie’s hands were clutching onto her, her breathing shallow. She was muttering in her sleep, but Alex couldn’t understand at first, and she turned her head to listen.  
         “Please papa, please no…”  
         Maggie suddenly pulled away from Alex, her body curling into a ball as she whimpered, and Alex sat up, her hand reaching out to try and wake Maggie who was struggling in her sleep.  
         Maggie flinched away from her touch and Alex froze, her heart breaking a little before she pulled Maggie’s body into hers, her arms wrapping tight around her, as she said Maggie’s name to wake her up.  
         “Maggie, baby, please wake up. Come on Mags,” and then Maggie bolted away, pushing Alex away from her. She looked around, hyperventilating as her mind cleared. When she realized where she was she searched for Alex with tears streaming down her cheeks, and upon finding her flung her body against hers, hands gripping as tight as they ever had around Alex’s body.  
         Her small body was wracked with sobs as she shook in Alex’s arms...  
         “Don’t leave Alex, please. Please don’t leave me Alex…” she cried into Alex’s shoulder.  
         Alex wrapped her arms tight around Maggie’s body.  
         “I won’t ever leave you Maggie. I promise.”  
         Maggie's sniffles tapered off and she looked up at Alex with nervous eyes.  
         “I’m sorry.”  
         “Don’t be sorry Maggie. Don’t ever be sorry okay? I love you.”  
         And Maggie only nodded before finding her place back in Alex’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been forever, my bad


	8. Anything Less

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the change in Alex starts to show itself and where only Maggie would apologize after almost dying

         Maggie didn’t fall asleep again until almost 6am, and Alex laid with Maggie in her arms for another two hours, dozing but not sleeping.

         8am hit and Alex slid from Maggie’s arms, starting her morning, knowing that a sense of normalcy would be good.

         She started the coffee, grabbing the spanish cocoa while it brewed and spooning some into Maggie’s cup the way she liked. She tipped some sweetened vanilla and coffee into both cups.

         “‘Lex?” she heard a voice whimper, and turned to see Maggie sitting up in the middle of their bed scared and confused.

         “I’m here Mags,” Alex reassured her, walking over to the bed and gathering Maggie into her arms.

         “Do you… do you have to work today?” Maggie asked, her words muffled by Alex’s shirt.

         “I’m not going in.”

         “Why? You, you don’t have to-”

         “No Maggie,” Alex said, interrupting her. She knew that Maggie would feel guilty even though Alex needed her as much as she needed Alex right now.

         “I do have to, because you need me, and I really, really need you right now, okay? I haven’t taken an off day in five years, and J’onn knows what’s going on. So I am staying, and you don’t have to feel guilty about it because this is purely me being selfish and wanting to be with you. Okay?”

         Maggie nodded and they stood, kissing before Alex led her into the kitchen. Maggie wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist as she finished mixing her coffee. Maggie smiled when she sipped her cup, it tasted just like her abuelita’s used to.

         They relaxed on the couch, soft spanish music playing in the background, windows open and bright sunlight spilling into the living room. Maggie settled in between Alex’s legs on the couch, her coffee in her hands, a cover over their legs. Alex held a book in her hands, reading with Maggie, waiting for the sip of coffee that indicated that she was finished with the page.

         Hours later they finished the book, and the rumbling of a stomach indicated that it was time to eat. Alex forced Maggie to sit on a stool, wrapping a blanket around her. She moved and began cooking one of the first meals Maggie taught her to make, chicken paella.

         Maggie watched her, smiling every time she made her way from step to step without making a mistake. They spent a lot of time in the kitchen together, Maggie showing Alex one meal after the next. It was difficult at first, until Maggie introduced cooking as a sort of science. Then it was easy, Alex approaching cooking just as she did testing specimens in a lab, with a furrowed brow and intense concentration.

         Maggie couldn’t taste the difference between her paella and Alex’s, but Alex insisted that Maggie’s was better even as Maggie ate her entire bowl. Albeit, it wasn’t much- Maggie said she wasn’t very hungry, but she scraped the bottom of her bowl before Alex slid it off the table and walked to the counter. The sink was full, and Alex began to wash the dishes, Maggie’s arms soon finding their way around her waist.

         Maggie leaned into Alex’s back, nudging her nose into the space where Alex’s underarm was, holding on as Alex’s hands worked on the grime in the pan. She was lulled into comfort, losing track of time as Alex scrubbed and rinsed. Soon enough Alex turned around in her arms, slipping now dry hands over her shoulders and placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

         They swayed to the music still playing in the background, breathing softly in their ears, taking this moment of peace. Soon enough though the song was over, and they walked to the bathroom hand in hand, neither speaking as Alex drew a bath, filing it with soap and bath salts.

         Maggie sat on the chair, even as Alex undressed slowly in front of her. She stood, still shaky on her own legs, and Alex helped her undress, folding her clothes and placing them on the chair before walking her to the bathtub. Maggie stepped in first, lowering herself into the warm water with a sigh. Alex slid in behind her, strong arms holding her tight, and they sat in the white bubbles, low light shining on their skin, soft music still playing in the background of their thoughts.

         When the bubbles were melted and their bodies washed they stood, Alex drying Maggie’s body with a soft towel, Maggie drying Alex’s torso and back, Alex drying her own legs. Maggie was tired, Alex could tell from the way her body leaned and shoulders sagged, and Maggie put on another one of Alex’s shirts before sliding under the sheets, Alex throwing on her own shirt before sliding in after her.

         The sun was still up, it was barely 5 o’clock and the sun was setting outside of Alex’s window, but she was much more interested in the woman in her arms, watching her breath, taking note of the tired lines on her face and the hitch in her breath when her dreams became too real. Maggie woke up once, just after 9, not bolting awake as she had before, but shuddering and shaking, tears already in her eyes.

         Alex got her back to sleep by ten, and then she herself dozed off because as much as she didn’t want to sleep she had barely rested at all in the past few weeks. It was about 7am, she surmised, when she heard a sound that roused her from her sleep.

         She didn’t open her eyes, but she could hear someone walking around in her apartment and knew they could see her bed from where they stood in the living room because of her open floor plan and the light she could see from behind her eyelids. She slid her right hand to the side even as she heard the person approach the foot of her bed, and as she heard a sigh she bolted into a sitting position, teeth bared, left arm keeping Maggie behind her as she fired off two shots from her gun into the attackers chest. Or what should have been the attackers chest.

         Because the person standing at the foot of her bed was Kara, now holding a bullet in each hand. Her eyes cleared of rage and she put the gun down, moving to wrap her arms around Maggie who had woken to the sound of gunshots. Maggie shook in her arms, clutching her shirt tight as she began to panic, hyperventilating. Alex put a warm hand on Maggie’s chest.

         She whispered, “Breathe into my hand love, slow and steady… there you go, come on…” and Maggie’s breath evened out, her heartbeat slowing. She didn’t cry, which had amazed Alex because normally someone who was just shot would be completely lost in their mind after hearing gunshots this soon after, but Maggie was strong, and soon enough she was pulling away from Alex (albeit reluctantly, because Kara was there and she didn’t want to seem weak) and she walked into the restroom. As soon as the door shut behind her, Alex stood and turned on Kara.

         “What the hell Kara?”

         “You shot me,” Kara muttered in disbelief, still holding the bullets in her hands.

         “Why are you here?” Alex asked, nerves tense.

         “You actually shot me…” she repeated, finally looking up at Alex in disbelief.

         “You’re bulletproof, you’re fine. Why are you here?” she asked again, words cut and terse.

         “You brought Maggie home two days ago and I hadn’t heard a word from you, I figured you could use some food…” her words simmered off.

         Alex looked back at her- no, Alex watched her, with predatory eyes as if determining something about her, or trying to determine something. Either way, the look on her face made Kara’s skin crawl.

         “Why did you shoot at me?” Kara asked, unable to let it go because her _sister_ had just _shot_ at her, and what if she had been someone else-

         “I heard a sound,” Alex explained, as if that were all that needed to be said.

         “You heard a sound and you shot at it?” Kara asked, because there was no way she was serious, but Alex didn’t even blink as she nodded in agreement.

         “But what if it wasn’t me Alex? You could have hurt someone!” she said, her voice raising in high-pitched concern.

         “Well, if that someone had been in my apartment without asking permission then they deserved it,” Alex shot back, stepping closer to a worried Kara.

         “Alex, you can’t just shoot at something because you heard a sound. That is not okay,” Kara implored, hand reaching out as if to point back to the incident itself.

         “No, Kara,” Alex began, seething. “What is not okay is someone entering _our_ apartment without permission while _we_ are sleeping, and somehow having foolish expectation that they will receive anything less than a bullet.”

         Kara looked at Alex with fearful eyes, just as she had when Alex had snapped in the hospital. But she wouldn’t, couldn’t, say anything, and so she nodded, dropping the bullets in her pocket as she turned to leave. Before she could walk out the door she heard her sister, “Next time Kara, call first. Or knock.”

         Kara nodded, head down as she walked from the apartment. Alex let out a frustrated sigh, walking to the bathroom. She knocked softly on the wooden frame and heard a whispered ‘come in.’

         She opened the door to Maggie sitting on the chair, lights off, arms wrapped around her legs. She knew that Maggie hadn’t really been over the scare of the gunshots and had run to the bathroom because Kara was there, Kara was there and Maggie Sawyer wasn’t weak and so she ran away before the tears fell. She knew.

         “I-is Kara-”

         “She’s gone,” Alex said, kneeling in front of Maggie, slipping their hands together, kissing each of Maggie’s knuckles.

         “Why did you…” Maggie sighed, eyes looking back at Alex in confusion.

         “I thought she was breaking in,” Alex explained.

 _Or maybe an attacker._ But she left those words unsaid, even as Maggie picked up on what she meant.

         Maggie nodded, still too frazzled to see, still too dazed to understand, still too tired to process.

         “Want to go back to bed?” Alex asked, standing, a hand out.

         Maggie took it and they walked back to bed, Maggie falling into Alex’s arms before finally letting her tears fall.

         “I’m sorry,” she uttered, quiet words in a silent apartment.

         “You shouldn’t be. Don’t be,” Alex insisted, looking Maggie in the eyes until she silently agreed.

         They laid in bed for hours, dozing in the sunlight, drawing patterns on one another's skin with soft fingers and low whispers.


End file.
